I can’t imagine going through school without a librarian. It’s unfathomable.  Similarly, I can’t imagine a school not offering a band program or a choir. But every so often, I see in the news that a school has put these arts programs on the chopping blocks as a way to balance the budget. It hurts my heart every time I hear that someone thinks these programs are expendable.

In theory, you can’t teach every subject imaginable. So a small part of me accepted that some schools—thankfully not all—merely chose to focus on strengthening other programs and allow other schools to offer strong band/choir/arts programs.  Distasteful, but I could accept that.

But a school without a librarian? Will we be getting rid of the teachers next? Because every librarian I had growing up was a teacher, whether in name or not. How is it even possible to have a school without this invaluable resource? Yet I keep hearing more and more about how librarians (and libraries) are being cut from the budgets of elementary, middle, and high schools.

No. This is wrong.

My life was changed by school librarians. I know this. I can barely remember the names of half the kids I went to school with but I can tell you about every school librarian I had, from elementary to high school:

Grant Elementary School, Kellner, WI

Miss Gronski—You always remember your first. And Miss Gronski was mine. She managed the Grant library while I was in kindergarten and first grade. I swear she had ESP and knew exactly what to give me. From her, I got the book about the seven Chinese brothers, identical in every way except for their unique abilities.  I remember feeling bad as the first brother held the ocean in his mouth while a boy ran about collecting seashells and how guilty he must have felt when he had to release the ocean and the boy drowned. Miss Gronski put that book in my hand. How she knew it would stick with me after all these years, I’ll never know. She left Grant to work in the children’s section of the public library in Wisconsin Rapids. So I still got to see her from time to time and she still remembered me.

Mrs. Pfeiffer—She was like my co-conspirator.   Every week in class, we’d watch Cover to Cover (I believe that was the name of the show) on PBS where a man would draw a scene from a book as a narrator read the corresponding excerpt.  Then I’d race to the library, looking for that book. Veronica Ganz, Scruffy…. Mrs. Pfeiffer always had the book and always knew I’d come looking for it. And she taught me how to use the Apple IIe so I could play things like Oregon Trail and Lemonade Stand. (She also taught me the Gershwin song, “Summertime,” as it was a piece of music in the Lemonade Stand game.)

West Junior High, Wisconsin Rapids, WI

Miss Bell—A bit older in junior high, Miss Bell was the first librarian I realized was also a person. (I know. Quite the revelation, right?) When we did a unit on the civil war in history, she came to class with her guitar and taught us songs from the era. A librarian who knew stuff about things other than books! She was also the one who introduced me to weird books, like Daniel PInkwater (The Snarkout Boys and the Avocado of Death, FTW!).  She might very well be to blame for my attraction to unusual books that I harbor to this very day.

Lincoln High School, Wisconsin Rapids, WI

Miss Cicely—Now, Miss Cicely was a bit different than the other librarians. I didn’t have quite the…relationship I had with the others. But it was high school and I was doing things like growing and stuff. But I remember her. She was strict (“Two to a table” was her mantra when it came to people using the library to study and it was always enforced) but sharp as a tack. If you started describing what you were looking for, she knew exactly what it was before you were finished. Honestly, I don’t think she knew me from Adam. But she made an impression on me.

Cut out the librarians? You’d be cutting out a very important part of my life.

Hi Tim,

I was more than a little…. oh, let’s say surprised, to read this story about you.

Look, here’s the thing. A LOT of books don’t get picked up by Barnes and Noble. Books from Big Six Five publishers. Books from small houses. Books from medium houses. A LOT. It’s not because they’re bad books. It’s not because Barnes and Noble finds them objectionable. It’s because they simply can’t carry every one of the thousands of titles released every year. It’s not possible. They can offer it through their website. They can special order it if a customer requests it. But they can’t stock all books.

My new book, THE VENGEKEEP PROPHECIES, was skipped by B&N. I don’t know why.* They skipped it long before I started getting the pretty decent reviews I’ve been getting. Not that those would have changed (or will change) their mind. Yeah, it stinks. It frustrated me to no end. It made my poor husband positively apoplectic. But, see, as upset as I was, I understood. I’m an editor. I’ve been faced with the unpleasant task of telling some of my authors that B&N skipped their books. And when you hear that, it’s an awful, sucky feeling that—for reasons I still can’t quite pin down—does a number on your sense of self-worth. Even though I am in full possession of the mathematics that explain to me how impossible it is to carry every book presented to them.

And what gets to me is: you know that too. You understand that. And I find that offensive. I find it revolting that you hide behind a very serious topic—censorship—when you know the exact reason your book isn’t being carried. And it has nothing to do with censorship. I get it. You’re a New York Times Bestselling author. It should have been a no brainer for B&N to carry your book. They (along with nearly every indie bookseller in the nation) turned their back on thousands of potential sales. Not because they’re trying to keep you from the public. But because you chose to publish with someone they see as a direct competitor and a serious threat to what they do.

I’m not here to argue the future of publishing. I’m not here to condemn Amazon for allegedly predatory practices or vaunt traditional publishing. Someone with your apparent savvy, I’m sure, knew that making the choice you made would come with consequences. I’d be really surprised if Amazon and/or your agent didn’t at least discuss with you the idea that your book might ONLY be available through Amazon. You knew what you were getting into. You made your choice.

Now, instead of living with it, you’re pretending to be the wounded party. Worst of all, you’re suggesting it’s censorship. A bookstore choosing not to carry a book is no more censorship than a publisher who chooses not to publish a book. Censorship comes into play when government tries to restrict access to information. They crack down and make it impossible to get the information. It’s not impossible to get your book. And in a digital age, I can’t even say it’s still not relatively easy to get your book. You aren’t being censored. You’re not being banned. Put another way, if McDonald’s chose to carry Pepsi over Coke, they’re not censoring Coke. They’re not “banning” it. They’re making a business choice.

But I don’t need to explain this to you. YOU KNOW THIS. You’re just hoping your readers don’t. You want to pull the wool over the eyes of people who’ve turned their hard earned money over to you many times before. A lot of writers work really hard to get recognized, only to find the odds against them when B&N says ‘no.’ You’re disrespectful of those writers when you try to make yourself a special case and when you try to make it seem like something it’s clearly not. (To say nothing of the writers who have been TRULY repressed. THAT’S the truest, deepest insult your publicity stunt has wrought. And, you know what? Not ONE of them was censored because they wrote a cookbook.) A lot of writers who publish with houses that have done nothing to offend B&N won’t see their work on the store’s shelves. And that’s painful. But in the end, they suck it up.

I suggest you do the same and stop claiming to be something you’re not.

*=This is the first time I’ve publicly mentioned this, although it’s been true for over a month now. Please note that at no point, upon learning this, did I kvetch, rant, whine, or play the victim. And as someone who has never enjoyed so much as a minute on any bestseller list, I think I’ve got more cause to do so than you.  But I didn’t. Just sayin’.

Lots of fun things happening on the book front.

THE VENGEKEEP PROPHECIES got a perfectly lovely review from Kirkus Reviews that stated (among other nice things), “There couldn’t be a more likable family of thieves.”

Ooooh! Deckled edges! Fancy schmancy!

I think the Grimjinxes would approve of that description. Just don’t spend so long basking in their approval that you lose sight of your wallet.

Final copies of the book showed up on my doorstep with a bright, beautiful cover and deckled edges.(I’m getting lots of compliments on the deckled edges. Never knew there were so many fans.)

And I’m all set for my book launch party!  You’re all such fine people that I think I’m going to invite everyone.  That’s right! You can come to.*

Please join me for a reading/signing of THE VENGEKEEP PROPHECIES at Red Balloon Bookshop in St. Paul on Sunday, Oct. 28 at 2:00pm.  There will be cake! There will be prizes!

If you can’t make it, I’ll understand. I’ll cry too, but I’ll understand. I’m hoping to set up at least one or two other signings here in the Twin Cities in the months to come so if you can’t make it to Red Balloon, keep an eye on this space for more info.

To celebrate all this wonderfulness, I’m going to give away up to three signed copies of THE VENGEKEEP PROPHECIES.  “Up to?” You ask. “Why ‘up to?'”  Well, see, it’s like this. I have this terrible fear that no one will want one. Yes, I’m insecure. Sigh. So maybe you can help me drum up some people who care…?

Here’s how it works: for every ten comments I get on this post, I will give away one signed copy. Twenty comments? Two signed copies. Thirty comments? Three signed copies. Forty comments? Still only three signed copies (that’s where the ‘up to’ comes in).

BUT, and this is the brilliant bit, if i can get fifty people to leave a comment below, one additional lucky winner will get a $20 giftcard to the book buying venue of their choosing (providing I can purchase it online).

The comment can be anything. Tell me my hair is bodacious today. Compliment my deckled edges (ooh! cheeky!). Whatever you feel like. Oh, and tell me how to get in touch with you (Twitter ID if you have it; if not, an e-mail addy will do).  At 9:oopm CST on 10/31 (that’s Halloween, innit?), I’ll use Ye Olde Random Number Generator to determine three lucky winners (four, if we hit 50 comments). One comment per person, please. (And while I said the comment can be anything you feel like, let’s be honest: nasty commenters might not make it to Ye Olde Random Number Generator…)

Note: I have comment moderation on so if your comment doesn’t immediately show up, fret not. No need to comment multiple times. I will soon free it from the Comment Moderation Bastille and it will join the others below.

And if you want to spread the word, that would be lovely. (Because, see, if there aren’t a minimum of ten comments, then NOBODY GETS ONE. Yes, I’m just that evil. But you’re not. You’re lovely. And you’ll spread the word so there WILL be a minimum of ten comments, yes?  See what I mean? Lovely.)

*=I should note that the event is in Minnesota. Of course, if you’re from out of state and you want to come, I’d love to have you. Airfare, accommodations, and meals are on you. But you’ll have my undying gratitude. Honest.

It would appear the site has been hacked (hence the weirdness/lack of graphics). Please bear with me as I try to get it fixed.

In the meantime, please enjoy these pictures of cute kitties and try not to think about how my head is exploding as I try to figure out how to repair things. Or, if you can identify the reference in the headline, put it in the comments below and I’ll send you a VENGEKEEP PROPHECIES bookmark.  TTFN!

Got word recently that THE VENGEKEEP PROPHECIES is a Fall 2012 Junior Library Guild selection!  

Wowsers. The JLG reviews thousands of books every year and only a small percentage of those books are made “selections.”   Basically, for those who may not know,  it’s kind of like an emphatic recommendation to librarians to BUY THIS BOOK!  And that, as the kids these days say, is totally tubular.

So yeah.  I guess this officially launches the Soul Train of Excitement that’s barreling down the track towards the book’s release in October.  Will my withered heart be able to sustain the mounting frenzy? Stick around and find out.

For the first time ever, I am attending an ALA Conference as an author, not an editor.  It makes me feel five kinds of special.

Simon Pulse is graciously sending me to attend the Stonewall Award banquet, where I’m looking forward to (hopefully) meeting fellow honorees Lili Wilkinson (PINK), Ilike Merey (a+3 4ever), Paul Yee (MONEY BOY), and Stonewall winner Bil Wright, whose fabulous PUTTING MAKEUP ON THE FAT BOY also won this year’s Lambda Literary award for YA literature.

For anyone interested in saying ‘hi,’ my conference schedule is below. And please do say ‘hi.’  I have this nightmare that I do the signing and no one comes. Having once been an events coordinator at a bookstore, I know this sometimes happens.  But I can’t help but feel it’s far worse when it happens at a conference with thousands of attendees walking around. So, yes, please, for the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, please say ‘hi.’

Sunday, June 24

8:30 – 10:00 AM  (Ticketed event)

YALSA’s Young Adult Author Coffee Klatch

2:30 – 3:30 PM

Signing in Simon & Schuster Booth #2600-2601

Monday, June 25

10:30 AM – 2:00 PM (Ticketed event)

GLBTRT Stonewall Book Award Celebration  w/ Signing from 1 – 2 PM

In case you hadn’t heard, I am the Biggest Loser.

I lost the Bet.  Big time.  My horse came in last. LAST!  How did I go from Numero Uno last year to…to…THIS.

The shame. The shame.

So, as a result, I had to write a short story using a title supplied to me by the inimitable Catherine Ryan Hyde.

You will find that story here. All 1,200 words of it.*

If you’ve read WITH OR WITHOUT YOU or maybe you’ve gotten your hands on an ARC of THE VENGEKEEP PROPHECIES, I think you’ll find this is a bit…different from my other stuff.  My husband, who is my biggest cheerleader, kept watching me out of the corner of his eye for a week after he read it.

Yes. I have a dark side.

I am, however, not alone in my loserdom. Catherine and Kimberly Pauley also lost (leaving Andrew Smith to bask in his non loserness) and they have also written stories as penance.  Check them out too. Please. Hey, it’s three free short stories. What’s it gonna hurt?

And if you feel like it, leave a comment below to let me know what you thought.  I don’t do a lot of short stories so feedback is appreciated.

*I was tempted to tweak the title and call it “All of Nature Abhors a Vacuum…But Not Nearly As Much As My Cat” but 1) the rules of the Bet don’t allow for title tweaking and 2) the story has nothing to do with a cat.

How quickly the mighty have fallen.

Right on their toukiss.

You may recall that I won last year’s Bet. You may recall that I gloated with fervor as I handed the title of “Miss Candor Sends Her Regrets” to Andrew Smith so he could write a short story around it. You may recall a victory jig (well, maybe not, as I did it when no one was around; rest assured, there was a jig).

This year’s Derby? Didn’t work out as well for me.

I came in last. Well, last in our group of four. Not dead last, thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Although my horse was uncomfortably close to that ignominious spot.

I’m not alone. Catherine lost. Kimberly lost. Andrew won (both our bet and the race; his horse actually came in first, something I didn’t even come close to with last year’s victory).  And now, as I do the Walk of Shame to my laptop, I must write a short story using a title provided by Catherine, whose horse came in ahead of mine: “All of Nature Abhors a Vacuum.”

It will not be a roman a clef using my cat as a protagonist.

I got off lucky. Last year, Catherine gave Kimberly the somewhat problematic title, “Uncle Mo’s Gastrointestinal Tract.”  Maybe Catherine regretted that, so she went easy on me. (If she didn’t regret it then, she must be regretting it now that Kimberly has given her the title, “Uncle Mo Holds a Grudge.” Why do I have the feeling that, if this Bet continues to be a regular thing, Uncle Mo will be making a perennial appearance…)

We have a deadline of June 1 to do our stories, whereupon the three losers will post their stories (Kimberly will be using Andrew’s supplied title, “The Flat Tire Man”) on our respective blogs for all to see.

(Pssst. Don’t tell my fellow writers but I’m done with my story. I couldn’t sleep Saturday night, I got an idea, and I ran with it. But don’t spread it around. I don’t want them to be jealous or anything. Besides, who knows, I may decide I hate it between now and June 1.)

So, stay tuned in a month for an original short story titled “All of Nature Abhors a Vacuum.” (You know, the one that’s already done. ‘Cause that’s how I roll.)