So, I lost the Bet.

I mean, there were two other losers too. But I lost the biggest. This is the second time I came in last. Which infuriates me because it means I can’t give an Evil Title to someone else. But I’m not bitter. Just, you know, vengeful. Next year will be my year. This I swear. Woe to ye who gets my Evil Title next year.

My title was given to me by the esteemed Catherine Ryan Hyde. That title was “Seize the Night.” (Because, see, the stupid losing horse I chose was Carpe Diem.  Ha, ha, Catherine’s funny. True story: I had narrowed it down to two horses. Carpe Diem and American Pharaoh. I kid you not. That was my back-up horse. The one who, you know, went on to win the Triple Crown. But I’m not bitter.)  Here is my short story.

This post will be updated as the others post their stories as well.

Oh, and all hail Kimberly Pauley, this year’s winner. Kimberly didn’t have to write a story. She knew better than to pick Carpe Diem. Actually,  the first three horses she’d chosen all scrubbed and she made a last minute choice just minutes before the race started. And she won.

But I’m not bitter.

photo credit: _MG_3387 via photopin (license)

Wow. Can you believe it?

Catherine Ryan Hyde, Kimberly Pauley, Andrew Smith and I have had a running bet for five years now.  Good gravy, time flies.

Here’s the gist: we place a friendly “wager” on the Kentucky Derby. We each pick a horse (not necessarily by their odds of winning but more based on some sort of personal connection we feel with the horse’s name).  Whoever’s horse comes in ahead of all the other chosen horses (not necessarily win, place, or show, just besting the others) is the winner. This person then provides the person whose horse came in next with a title and that person must then write a short story using that title. The person who came in second then passes a different title on to the person who came in third and so on. You can learn about the origin of this bet here.

Last year, we had some new blood and were joined by David Lubar, who is sadly unable to participate again this year. But the four original betters are back and ready to provide the world with free short stories based on titles we have no say in whatsoever. It’s fun. And scary.

This year, Andrew Smith is offering a prize to the random Twitter person who picks a horse for him. This person will get a character named after them in Andrew’s story (if, in fact, Andrew loses the bet; he won one year). NOTE: This offer is true as of this writing. First come/first served. Once Andrew has his horse picked for him, this is no longer valid. Andrew’s horse has been chosen.

Here are links to the past short stories from our losers:

2014
2013
2012
2011 (This link from Kimberly is great in that it rounds up all the stories.)

Here’s to five years of mayhem with three writers I’m very fond of. Cheers!

Last year, I did a lengthy post detailing all the Halloween costumes/themes I’ve been part of at work. I’ve been Edward Scissorhands. I’ve been DEVO. I’ve been Larry Craig. The list goes on. In 2013, our department’s theme was Alice in Wonderland.

And this year’s theme was…  Famous SNL Characters!

We’ve got Wayne and Garth. We’ve got Mary Catherine Gallagher. We’ve got the More Cowbell Guy. We’ve got Dieter from Spockets. And Hans und Franz are here to pump…..you up! I am, of course, Hans (or Franz, take your pick). I wanted to come as the Church Lady (my hero) but couldn’t find the right kind of dress.  Boo.

We decorated the aisles of our department in SNL catchphrases (“Well, isn’t that special?” “Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance!”) and had a jolly good time. As of this writing, we’re still waiting to hear if we won the best costume contest…..

I lost a bet.

Not just any bet. THE Bet.

Which meant that I had to write a short story from a title given to me by David Lubar.

That title was “Geriatric Jitterbug.” You can download the story here. (Right click to Save As.)  It is probably safe to say that it’s not for young eyes.

I will update this post as my fellow betters (bettees?) upload their stories.

UPDATE: Here are links to the other short stories.

• Every Superhero Needs One by Andrew (title by Kimberly)
• The Dumbass Partners by David (title by Catherine)
• Herman Munster is Still Alive by Kimberly (title by me)

Now that all the stories are up, I’ll be reading them tonight!

Four free short stories for you. Woo hoo!

This fall, the third book in my Grimjinx trilogy–THE GRIMJINX REBELLION–will be released into the world. I’m really looking forward to seeing this one on the shelves, the completion of a really fantastic journey for me as a writer.  I’m very proud of the work I did on this series and immensely grateful to everyone–steadfast beta readers, wise and insightful editors, enthusiastic teachers/librarians/readers–who’ve supported me on the trip.

Today, I am delighted to announce  that I will have TWO new books coming out over the next few years, following the end of the Grimjinx trilogy. My next book–a standalone middle grade fantasy–is THE SECRET OF DREADWILLOW CARSE, which will be published by Algonquin Young Readers (in 2016, perhaps?). The description in Publishers Marketplace says: “in which a twelve year old girl awaiting coronation at the bedside of her gravely ill mother, the queen, must discover the secret of the bog she is forbidden from entering and what happens when she finds someone to enter on her behalf.”  A fairly good summation without spoilers. The second book? Well, we’ll talk about that later…

Please choose the Dance of Joy appropriate to your tastes and join me in a celebratory jig.

OK, if you’ve been around these parts before, you know the basics. Every year, three other writers and I (Catherine Ryan Hyde, Kimberly Pauley, and Andrew Smith) place a wager on the Kentucky Derby. We each pick a horse and whoever’s horse comes in closest to first gets to supply the person whose horse comes next with a title from which they must write a short story. The person in second supplies a story title to the person who comes in third. Third place gives title to fourth and fourth doesn’t get to give anyone a title. To quote Nelson Muntz: “Ha ha!”

As the Derby approaches this weekend, we’ve added a new twist: a fifth player. Pun-ist extraordinaire David Lubar is joining our festive group. In the past, we’ve provided readers with three new short stories. This year we’ll offer FOUR.  We post these stories on our respective web pages, free of charge for all to see.  It’s a fun little writing exercise and, boy, should you hear the trash talk on Twitter leading up to the race. (OK, it’s not the BEST trash talk, but we try.)

The horses we chose this year are:

Catherine: California Chrome

David: Wicked Strong

Kimberly: We Miss Artie

Andrew:  Hoppertunity

Me: Dance with Fate

To learn more about past bets, check my previous posts here, here, and here. Links to last year’s winning (losing) stories can be found here. (Last year was an especially good year.) Tune into the Derby this weekend to see who comes out ahead and then check back in June for a fresh new batch of free fiction.

O Editor, who art in New York,

Hallowed be thy brain

Thy red pen comes, thine will be done

In ARCs as it is in page proofs

Give us this day our editorial letter

And forgive us our plot holes

As we forgive those who review against us

Lead us not into the temptation to quote ourselves on Twitter or say we have news we can’t share

But deliver us from Kirkus

For thine are the eyes that have seen our crappy drafts and not told a soul, forever and ever, Amen.

(Note: Writers should feel free to swap out verses that best fit their circumstances. I.e. change New York to wherever your editor is; swap ‘plot holes’ for ‘typos’ if you write non-fiction; insert online author behavior that drives you crazy into the temptations, etc.)

I don’t do a lot of these types of posts. I’ve just never really been interested in discussing the nuances of craft online. There are other writers who are MUCH better than I about offering insight on craft and do so with stunning skill in their own little corners of the internet. So I decided a long time ago that if that’s what people wanted to read, they’ll be much happier seeking it elsewhere because I won’t go on about it.

But… Certain things push my buttons and I get to a point where I can stay silent no more.

In the past week, I’ve seen three different online posts besmirching arguably the best known bit of writing advice.  Some writers, curiously, have decided that “write what you know” is BAD writing advice.  It’s so bad, they write entire blog posts about how bad it is.  Now that’s bad.

Except it’s not. Not really.

I’ve heard some people say, “It should be ‘write what you want to know….”

OK. Fine.  That’s cool too. But there’s still nothing wrong with ‘write what you know.’ Nothing. Zip. Nada.

But, Brian…

“If you only wrote what you knew, we’d never have fantasy or speculative fiction books!”

“If you only wrote what you knew, you’d never explore anything beyond your own little mundane world.”

Uh huh. Right.

You know, for writers—people devoted to creativity and exploration and turning words on their ears to expand meaning—the people who think these things can be a VERY literal bunch.

Sheesh.

Honestly, folks, there is NOTHING wrong with telling someone “write what you know.” In fact, I think it is EXCELLENT advice for beginning writers.  Some of the first writing assignments you ever get (What I Did On My Summer Vacation) are an extension of this. Expounding on a subject we know best—ourselves—comes naturally to all human beings.  I will never be able to carry on a conversation about quantum physics with any authority, but man can I tell you everything I know about DOCTOR WHO. (Which is a lot.)

And it can be great advice for intermediate to advanced writers too….if they’re willing to open their minds a bit. (More on that in a sec.)

All writing advice—every single piece—needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Sometimes, maybe a salt lick.  Not all writing advice will work for everyone.

YOU MUST WRITE EVERY SINGLE DAY OR YOU WILL NEVER BE A WRITER!!!!

I’ve been told that many times. Y’know what? I don’t write every single day. I can’t.  But I get by just fine on being a writer. (See, if I was gonna make a list of “bad” writing advice, that one would be at the top of my list. Because, see, it doesn’t work for me. But I know it works for other people. And I’m cool with that. And because I know it works for other people, I’m a little hesitant to go around telling everyone what terrible advice it is.  Why, yes, I am ready to be granted sainthood.)

So, let’s take a step back and open our minds. Let’s look at “write what you know” and maybe, I don’t know, see it in a more abstract manner (or, at the very least, not so damned literally).

Maybe “write what you know” means:

–write with emotional honesty; imbue your characters with the truths you’ve discovered in your own life

–write in a way that reflects you’ve been paying attention to life here on earth and you’ve developed an opinion or two about the human condition

–write about the life you know so you’ve got a first draft and then go back and make up weird stuff so it’s all cool and everything

Maybe there’s something to this writing what you know thing after all…?

Here’s the thing: readers MUST relate to books. In some way, shape, or form. That doesn’t mean you must make your characters “likeable.” That doesn’t mean you must accurately, painstakingly depict every facet of real life. But at SOME level, readers have to find something to latch on to that they recognize (even in a futuristic world where spittle is currency and people communicate by stabbing each other in Morse code).

That’s where you’re writing what you know. You’re writing something to which readers can relate.

And you know what? If you still don’t want to do that… fine. Go, you.

Which brings me back to my point: not all writing advice works for everyone (especially if you insist on taking it at absolute face value).  “Write what you know” doesn’t work for you because you want to put a stick up your bum and believe it means you can’t write about spaceships and other things with which you have no personal experience?  That’s your prerogative. But just remember that someone else might be able to embrace those words and find the soul of what they’re trying to say when they open up their mind to what “write what you know” could mean. So maybe lay off the criticism of advice that many, many, MANY writers have used to write some really wonderful things.

If you disagree, say so below. I can take it.

(PS—Also, do the people who rail against this advice ever stop to realize that most non-fiction relies on writing what one knows?  Seems to me there are a lot of short sighted fiction writers who are ready to sully the good name of a really EXCELLENT piece of advice because they can’t see beyond their own fictional constructs. I have YET to hear a memoirist decry “write what you know.”  Just sayin’…)

(PPS–Also, if you tell someone ‘write what you know’ and they do… You know what? You just got them writing. Give yourself a cookie.)

When I started writing, I never imagined doing a series.  Some writers may dream about creating a long list of books set in the same world. Some may decide that’s ALL they want to do.  It never actually occurred to me that I’d want to do that.

But then, shazam, I found myself writing a middle grade series. I kinda had fun. It was a learning experience, I’ll tell you that. Ups and downs, highs and lows. Lots of things I’d do differently next time (if indeed there is a next time). Through it all, I told myself I wanted to have a series that I enjoyed and that others would enjoy too. I hope that’s the case with the Grimjinx books. (I mean, I know I’VE enjoyed them. I hope others have too.)

This fall sees the release of the final book in the series. It’s been oddly bittersweet, putting the final touches on the manuscript for book three. Hands down, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write (for a number of reasons).  But I like what I came up with in the end.  The “Wow, it’s almost over” fever hit when I got the final cover for the third book in my inbox. The release is still several months off and there will still be signings and talks and things to do once it’s out. But seeing the cover hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting.

I will miss these characters (especially the ones who die at the end…oh, wait, did I say too much?). Writers often get asked if they write their own traits into their characters. With this series, I think the opposite happened. I think I started taking on some of Jaxter’s qualities. And I’m OK with that. He’s a good kid. If you get past the whole thievery thing.

So I’m here to reveal the cover for the third book in the series. Behold: THE GRIMJINX REBELLION!

Once again, Brett Helquist demonstrates why he is THE MAN. It’s our first look at Jaxter’s sister, Aubrin, who plays a significant role in this book. As the title suggests, Jaxter and his family find themselves in the heart of a revolution…that they more or less instigated.  There will be fire. There will be monsters. There will be casualties.

Look for it in October.

(PS–Apologies if I lured you here under the pretense of that “terrible article” about YA. But, really, what are you doing clicking on things like that anyway?)

Thanks again to all who came out for the book launch party at Red Balloon on Sunday.  So good to see all the smiling faces.  If you couldn’t make it, I’ve got a few more events scheduled—in both the Twin Cities and Iowa—in the coming weeks. Please come (see sidebar for details)!

So. Halloween.

Those who know where I work know that Halloween is taken VERY seriously. Every year, all the departments pick a theme and dress accordingly. There are prizes for best costume, best department, etc. So as I prepare for tomorrow’s costumetravaganza (sorry, can’t tell you what our theme is yet on pain of torture), I thought I’d take a stroll down memory lane and revisit past costumes themes over the years.

Here I am in my publicity days (I think this is circa 2006?) Our theme was 80s pop icons (that’s me as DEVO; you might also see Debbie Gibson, Cyndi Lauper, Madonna and Alice Cooper). I think we won best department that year. We’d also won the previous year for our theme: Six Degrees of Johnny Depp. We all came as different JD characters. Sad I can’t find a photo of that. I was Edward Scissorhands.

Don’t have a group photo here. This was also from the publicity days. Our theme was “Seven Deadly Sins–Minnesota Style.” I was Lust (that’s me in a portable bathroom stall, tapping my foot like Larry Craig). 2007, I believe?

I moved to acquisitions in 2008. Our theme that year was famous cats. That’s me as Catbert.

The next year, we were the Addams Family. So can’t believe we didn’t win best department. We nailed it. I won a prize for double duty as Uncle Fester and Thing.

Then our theme was Stephen King. Not sure this was one of our better years. That’s me as Kathy Bates (MISERY).

I was out of the office the year we did Ghostbusters (sad) but last year we did the Scooby Doo gang (I’m the ghost).  I thought we did pretty good here as well.

And this year’s theme?  Wait and see….

UPDATE:

This year’s theme: Alice in  Wonderland. I am the Card Guard.