There are sentences you will simply not hear anywhere outside my place of employment. For example:

(Scene: A copywriter and editor are talking in the next cube. The copywriter is speaking very earnestly.)

Copywriter: And remember, demon babies aren’t the same as ghost babies.

I had this conversation with Andrew Karre, the editorial director at Carolrhoda. Click to enlarge and read from the bottom up:

To clarify, that link in my tweet leads here: http://www.oloc.org

Might be laughing about this for some time.

(Scene: The cubicle behind me. Co-Worker #1 arrives at Co-Worker #2’s cubicle, holding a manuscript.)

Co-Worker #1: I need a table of contents for this.

Co-Worker #2: (frustrated) He didn’t include a table of contents?!

Co-Worker #1: Well, he included the word ‘contents’….

(Scene:  Talking with Another Female Co-worker near our cubicles.)

ANOTHER FEMALE CO-WORKER: I was looking through the birth announcements in the paper and found a couple that had named their baby girl Krypton. Krypton! Why name her after Superman’s home planet?

ME: Maybe she was named after the element. Maybe it was a toss-up between that or Gadolinium. I think she got off easy.

(ANOTHER FEMALE CO-WORKER stares at me for five full seconds, shakes her head, and walks away.)

You think I got it bad? My brother Lithium can't go near the psych ward without getting accosted.

Where I work, I see and hear many interesting things. Some are amusing. Some are frightening. Some you will only ever see/hear in our building. They’re things that just  don’t happen outside those four walls. Someday, after I retire, I’m going to compose a book of some of the best things I’ve seen/heard.

Here’s a sample. I mean, seriously, where else are you going to find this? It was in the breakroom on the counter:

(Scene:  Standing in the break room, waiting for my lunch to finish cooking in the microwave.  FEMALE CO-WORKER points out the window where a light snow is falling against a bright blue sky. The sun overhead catches the new snow, giving it a sparkling effect as it floats to the ground.)

FEMALE CO-WORKER:  It looks like someone’s throwing fairy dust!

(Suddenly, the snowfall increases dramatically and as the sun glints off, the rapid twinkling almost looks like a transporter effect from STAR TREK.)

ME: Now it looks like someone’s on the roof putting fairies through a wood chipper.

(FEMALE CO-WORKER stares at me for five full seconds before vacating the break room without another word.)